Wow. I’m a mom.

Jack's first birthday!

My husband and I met and knew immediately we would be together. We dated for six months before we moved into the house I purchased that is now our family home.  Moving fast? Yep.

I knew that I wanted children since I can remember? I believed that I couldn’t be a true adult unless I had a family and a home. Dale wasn’t sure he wanted children when we started out, but after six months of dating and with me bugging him constantly to consider it, he agreed. We were together three and a half years when Jack joined us.

Immediately after Jack was born, I was in love. This little thing in my arms that miraculously held his head up in the hospital to watch the shadow of his father move across the room, was mine. Holy crap. I’m a mom.

What if ….what if he forgets to breathe? What if my milk doesn’t come in and he starves? What if he grows up to be a mean person? OR WORSE, what if he doesn’t like me?

During my pregnancy I was plagued with random dreads. What if at 16, Jack came to Dale and I and announced that he was expecting his own child? What would that do to his future? How would I feel? What if at 16, Jack told us he was gay? Would his life be more difficult? I just chalked these nagging worries up to indegestion and hormones: normal irrationality that comes with carrying an extra human being. Attack of the doubts that would surely abide with time. Then Jack was born, and the little irrationalities attacked with more vigour. Yikes! Is this what it will always be like? Is this motherhood?

Flash forward to the eighth month of Jack’s existence. The voice of irrationality is loud when it comes to Jack, but I am happy to report that the voice of reason is louder. My husband’s mantra is “relax…it will work itself out” while mine is “it will work itself out, regardless of how much I stress”. I realize, talking with my mom, my grandma and my aunts, that as soon as a woman find out she is pregnant and for the rest of her life, she will worry daily about her kids and that is part of the joy of being a parent.

 Hugs to you and yours.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. TeachieAng
    May 29, 2010 @ 07:28:49

    I’m a bit teary. You are a beautiful writer who connects well with her audience. My twins are 12 yrs old, I worry constantly. Today they started their 1st jobs as linesmen (people). I’m worried will parents yell at them? My son is worried he’ll make a wrong call. Life is about worrying but also enjoying the moments we have. Always remember to breathe, it will all work out.

    Reply

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